


Davi Faith

by Carolock



Series: Fides Fragmenta [1]
Category: Pilgrimage (2017)
Genre: Character Study, Excessive use of italics, Guilt, M/M, Not Beta Read, Pre movie, Slice of Life, a different crisis of faith, a lot of self guilt projection i guess, absolute no research done about the subjects, apologies for any mistake, background headcanons, i named the mute davi for personal reasons, idk english, idk much about their religion or praying habits, mention of the monks, pre pilgrimage, the mute feels unfit to love diarmuid but is not for homophobic reasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 22:11:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14411589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carolock/pseuds/Carolock
Summary: He didn’t prayed anymore. Davi no longer felt worth of doing something as sacred as is praying.So he stopped.





	Davi Faith

**Author's Note:**

> it must have some really huge glaring mistakes, specially about the monk lives and the mute past, but lets chalk up as an au and artistic choices.

He didn’t prayed anymore. it was not lack faith, God knows. He _knows_ it.  
  
It was the _blood_. Like an inverse baptism. Davi no longer felt worth of doing something as sacred as is praying.  
  
So he stopped.  
  
The tattoo on his back was often forgot, but he knew it was there. Like his faith.  
  
Then came the mutiny. The betrayal.  
  
His _fall_.  
  
His first months in the monastery were a blur. He was weakened, thoroughly injured, delirious with fever. He is fairly sure he tried to attack the monks in one of his fits.  
  
He was a broken man. _Bathed in blood_.  
  
The monks forgave him. Forgave him, gave him shelter. A place to belong.  
  
_Diarmuid._  
  
Brother Diarmuid was the youngest of them. Davi was never sure of how he came to be a monk. It was not imposition, much less absolution.  
  
Diarmuid faith was bright as his innocence. Vigorous as his curiosity. Pure as his good heart.  
Davi is not sure why Diarmuid likes him so. He just knows that he likes him right back.  
  
God knows he tried to not.  
  
Diarmuid bright, pure, lovely face. He imagined that he would leave stripes of blood if he ever gave in the urge of caressing him.  
  
Diarmuid would talk with him for hours. He would feel bad about the fact that he never replied to him, if wasn't for the genuine comprehension that Diarmuid had. He was listening to him.

 

Davi wasn't sure why he chose to not talk. It was weakness at first. He couldn't put one word out of his mouth during convalescence.  
  
Later, later, he never knew why. Maybe it was shame of his voice. A voice that uttered terrible commands, that accepted disgusting proposals.  
  
Maybe it was one more punishment. Maybe it was logic.  
  
Why open his mouth if was not a pray for forgiveness?

  


Diarmuid started to pray for him. Some brothers said to him, he was in theirs prayers, but Diarmuid truly prayed for him.  
  
Every morning, after they finished breakfast. Davi liked to be isolated, but he never minded Diarmuid presence.  
  
Specially like this. On his knees, face peaceful but focused. His shelter was so far from the brothers quarters that he could hear Diarmuid whispers.  
  
_“Dear God, I thank you for the food you gave us today. For the shelter, for the peace you bless us with. I thank you lord, for bringing this man to our careful arms. Im sure if he could speak he would thank too, so I beg you to consider my words his as well. Thank you God, blessed be you.”_  
  
Davi always felt dislocated. He was participating of something so pure, complete tainted. He doesn't know if there is a part of his body which was never touched by blood.

  


  


They were by the beach. He was sitting comfortable in the sand. The brume ruffling his hair was cool and he could taste the sea salt if he wished to.  
-I have been thinking- Diarmuid broke Davi devaneum. In the far, the wave he had been watching crested and broke down.

He was sitting peacefully, contentment ruffling his lips. He could taste happiness, if he wished to.  
  
He turned to stare at Diarmuid. Im listening, he told with his face. Diarmuid stared him back, his fringe a mess, eyes squinting again the setting sun, teeth bared in displeasure at these smalls inconveniences.  
  
Davi ached with the need to reach out.  
  
-God knows you can't speak. Maybe he can consider your thoughts as prayers. If you mean them. Im sure you will mean them.  
  
Davi made a face that he hoped it would convey, are you tired of praying for me?  
It would be purely for his amusement. He was allowing himself these small things lately. He wasn't really sure why.  
  
Diarmuid spluttered seeing his expression. Davi tried to not fall a bit more in love.  
-I don't mean that I mind praying for you. No, I will keep doing so. I just think that you should not be deprived from such good thing.  
  
Davi felt like his heart swell a bit. It was needed to fit all the love he felt for Diarmuid now.  
He couldn't be that tainted now. No one tainted as he was could love someone as pure as Diarmuid is.

  


  


He prayed.

  


  


Every morning, he would wake up a bit before Diarmuid. He would bare his scars to the sun, let his crux be in the light. Knees in the ground, arms wide open. Let his faith come back in him like a tidal wave.

He tried words at first. It had been so long he didn't used them, they felt wrong. False in some way. His worded thoughts were often shallow, or they were curses at those who mistreated him.  
Words were wrong for praying now. The things that he felt more deeply he could never truly put in words.

He prayed with his memories.  
_Forgive me._  
  
He prayed with his hopes.  
_Redeem me._  
  
He prayed with his desires.  
_Abstain me._  
  
He prayed with his feelings.  
_Don't ever let him know pain. Don't ever let he lose his light. I love him I love him_  
  
  
I love him.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u very much for readingm i hope you enjoyed. i really liked the movie, and im not surprised for it to be slept on cause i honestly think it would have more potential as a series, but i know considering the actors involved it would be impossible (unless we got lucky and got another great actors to do, etc). i really want to write a huge series for this movie but i know my brain wont allow, so i gonna post these works that do belong to it, but can be read on its own.


End file.
